I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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