it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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