Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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