I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
