It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
