I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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