Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
