my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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