FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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