just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
