We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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