i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
