I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
