You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
