xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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