please come you make the beer taste better
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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