Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
