So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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