last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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