I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
