well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
