Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
