You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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