she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
