That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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