they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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