I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
