I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wear drunk well.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
