remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
