You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
