she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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