I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
