True but thats because hes a fetus.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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