I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
