I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
