I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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