The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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