I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
