so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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