Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
