This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
