I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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