the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
