I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
