So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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