I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
