I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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