Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
