I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
