Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
