i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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