She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
