haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
