Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
