I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
