Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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