Jerry, you need to find god
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
