there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to make out with him forever
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
