I smell stomach acid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
