How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
