I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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