You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
