if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
