if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
