i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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