I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
